Monday, September 22, 2014

How to Deal With Jealousy With Partner

Whenever there is the feeling of threatened relationship by someone that is outside the relationship, be it romantic, friendship, or parent-child, it’s normal that the jealousy will happen. In the article we are not talking about  situations where people compete, such as the workplace or education. Sometimes jealousy can be mixed with envy, which is defined as you have a  desire to have something that the other person has, which can also be expressed together with jealousy.

Ask yourself Why you are jealous at the moment?
Is it anger because you are afraid to lose your partner?

This usual feeling of jealousy can bring you down and even cause a relationship to pull apart. It may also be a signal that means you either have to take a step to change some aspect in your life that will allow you to go to another stage of emotional growth. Until the feeling of jealousy didn’t tear apart any of your relationships, just take a look at yourself and try to find the source of the fear from where your jealousy stems.

Step 1. Number one self-defense is to recognize the existence of the feeling of jealousy. Jealousy is the combination of fear and anger which is accompanied with the feeling of losing someone. Nothing good can come out of this destructive feeling.

Step 2. Try to figure out the reason of your jealousy. In most cases, jealousy is something we inherit from the experiences of the past that continues to linger there even when you are already with another person and another reality. What you need to do is to be honest with yourself to find out the reason of your jealousy; it can be you are either afraid to lose someone or to stay alone or just you have real reasons not to trust your partner. Either way, try to be objective with the green eyed monster as much as possible.

Step 3. Take a look how other people are affected by your jealousy. The defensive answers your partner gives may seem to be the confirmation of your suspension, but your partner’s reaction is normal when s/he is put under pressure trying to defense himself. These people put under squeeze will feel undermined and frustrated. The lack of trust that was not present previously will  place a wedge in the relationship.

Step 4. Try to question your jealousy each time it occurs. Ask yourself Why you are jealous at the moment? Is it anger because you are afraid to lose your partner? Why you feel anger or why you are afraid? When you spot he green eyed monster on the spot, it will be easier for you to take up positive and constructive steps to sweep away the negative emotions.

Step 5. Apologize. If you have gone far with your accusations towards the person, it’s time to apologize, and not to punish him for your negative emotions. You don’t need to make long apologizing; you just need to say that you are sorry which will be the beginning of a new cycle. If you say that whatever you thought were just silly imaginations of an ill thinking at the moment, that will give both of you a room to discuss what has taken place.

Step 6. Trust yourself. Start trusting yourself from home. Make a list of your good points and stick it somewhere where you can see it  regularly. You should only compare yourself with yourself, only compare your past deeds with the new ones and try to improve them without self-accusation. And it is not by chance that people who have a high self-esteem are the most successful in their everyday relationships, including the relationship with a partner. 

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